Once Upon a Time

By Raelene Active

There was a time where I didn’t think about it

I was a young tiny little thing

Bright but stubborn to the core

I never thought I would make some of the choices I have made

No one in their right minds imagines they are going to become…

An addict

There I said it

As if it were to come alive and become a living breathing heart beating thing

Oh wait…

I did that already

I am that living breathing heart beating thing

I like to think I am recovering

Every second, minute, moment I stay away from it

Is a turnaround from where I used to be

What I used to be

Who I used to be

That person who you would not recognize

The type of person you look in their eyes and all you see is nothing

Just a body slinking through life

Fixated on one thing

Yeah I’m talking about that thing

That thing that is not talked about enough

The thing that changed my whole being

You could say I changed because I chose to do that thing

I know I chose it

No one forced me to do it

I take full responsibility for my actions

So you could say whatever happens after I do that thing

Warrants my responsibility

Yes I claim my baggage

I take full responsibility

It wasn’t always this way though

There was a time I blamed whomever I could to deflect the pain of looking myself in the eye

Seeing my actions for what they were

Pitying myself because I chose to do that one thing

Poor me, poor Raelene

It comes so easy

To denounce any responsibility is so much easier than looking throughly in that mirror

But that would be working in the other direction

So today,

Raelene today works the other way

I look forward with my head held high

Pointed in a direction I never imagined myself being able to accomplish

Gratefully I owe it all to my Creator

The man I chose to call God

Thank God I asked for help

Amazingly I have a new life ahead of me

Ahead of Brooke-Lynne

She gets to have a new mommy because I headed down a different road

Man, I am in awe and shock of how much my life has changed

Today is a new day and I am forever grateful