Dear X

by Anonymous
Ripples in the water
Butterfly effect
How a decision made so long ago by someone else has made my life a tornado filled with fire
His choice
Made her leave
And she taught me what to believe
And he taught me how to be treated
Did he know?
Did he realize or understand that his decision would kill a little girl
Letting her fall to his feet
Screaming for him to wait
Come back
Don’t leave
She’ll pick up each piece of herself
Try to find anything to use as glue
Instead she finds rocks
Harsh waves
Why am I so addicted to people that do not love me
Fast forward
Years later
His eyes are blue
Oh what good liars the boys with the pretty eyes are
How the words just fall from their lips
Tossed at my heart
A game from the carnival on the boardwalk
Knock down all the glass bottles
Let the shards scatter
Try to pick up all the pieces again
A vase broke in two can be glued back together
Maybe you’d never been able to tell it fell from the bottom shelf
Shards of glass that used to be a full bottle
A bottle full of love or hope or stardust
Which is to say I was the bottle
The glass shattered all across the town
When he hit it with a baseball
Which is to say he threw his words too fast and too hard at my thin glass heart
Knocked it
Knocked me
Off the shelf he stacked me on
There’s only so many times a bottle can be put back together
Until it can’t be anymore
There is no tape or glue
There are no magic words or promises
Find as much of your own glass as you can
Take care to not take any piece of anyone else’s
Melt it down
You will feel the heat and the burning
You will for a moment think it’d be better to stop and stay shards on the ground
Do not listen to this thought
Pour yourself into a new mold
A new shape you didn’t even know existed
It can take moments to rebuild a children’s toy
It can take years to rebuild a country
You are not a toy
You are a kingdom
When you’ve finally crystallized
Put yourself on the highest shelf possible
Surround yourself with things to catch you if you fall
Or are pushed
But remember to stand on your own
Let him look at you I’m hatred and wonderment
Do not look back at him
But if you do
Look back at it him with triumph
And pity
– Anonymous

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