By Sara Hinojosa
The trip to the border is punishing
Months of blistering feet
Scorching heat
Deciding who I can trust
Of all the new faces that change everyday
Not sure where I’ll find my next meal
Or where I’ll lay my head for restless sleep
My grandparents have been leading the journey
Since my mother was kidnapped
But staying in Colombia means
We all would die
So I find myself in an endless cycle at the border
Without a mother
It’s all I can do to keep from wondering
Is she safe
Is she alive
Is she suffering
Court dates are months apart
And it seems my chances are none
I’m being tossed
Back and forth
City to town
Town to city
Apathetic court rooms and judges to match
Taken for everything I have
With no end in sight
The idea of crossing with the coyotes tangles in my mind
More blisters
Rationing boiling water from plastic milk jugs
Snakes under every stone
Unavoidable, piercing cactus
Ever-present thirst
Kidnappers
Robbers
The entire desert prepares for the kill
Those chances of success are greater than this
Never-ending waiting game at the border
But the risks are deadly
If I stay
I die
If I go
I die
At night I lie awake
Dreaming of my life in America
Of surfing in California
Of Hollywood
Of American high school
I wonder if my life will be anything like
What I’ve seen in the movies
Now
Nothing is familiar
And I haven’t stayed in one place
Long enough to process any sense of loss
For my mother
For the life that I left
For family still suffering
For my country at war
I think only of what’s ahead
My own American dream
Distracts from my current reality
